I am going through a hard time, very hard time right now! Last day she let me read some things, and I really regret the time that I read it. Now, here I am, so down, so much hurt I am feeling inside. I know it happened a very long time pero kahit ganon, napaka bigat pa din para sakin knowing it! Para akong binagsakan ng kung anong napakabigat, parang dinudurog ang puso ko. Nagmahal ako ng tapat at sobra, is this my reward? Nong mga oras na yun, inaabot ak ng magdamag sa netshop just to send her a message saying how much I love her, saying how much I miss her, writing on my blog about her, about how i feel about her. Nong mga oras na yun, whenever someone ask me if I have a girlfriend, I always respond with a proud "YES" na ang tono ay parang sinasabing "Yes, meron akong girlfriend that loves me so much, na nagpromise sakin na no one could replace ME in her heart". I am not blaming her, I blame myself for not being good enough to her! Ang sakit talaga. I really need to understand why it happened! Kapag malaman ko, maybe it'll lessen the load I am carrying (depending on the answer). Hanggang kelan nga kaya ganito? Kahit ako hindi ko din alam, all know is that baka tumagal pa. Lalo na kapag sa tuwing iniisip ko sya, all the words I read flashing vividly in front of me, na whenever i close my eyes every night, bigla na lang ako mapapaluha. I need an assurance, too!
Yet, kahit gano kasakit, kahit gano kabigat, hindi ko pa rin makuhang magalit sa kanya. Mahal na mahal na mahal ko sya eh, and I will never hurt her. OK naman kami ngayon, pero simula nong mabasa ko yun, nagkaroon ako ng nakakatakot na tanong,"Mahal nya ako ngayon, mahal nya pa rin kaya ako bukas?". Kelangan ko din mabuo ulit ang pagtitiwala! I know it'll take time, but I'm sure that the time will come! I just really need to ensure everything 'coz we're not getting younger, instead getting older. I already set my mind, heart, life that she'll be the one that I want to spend eternity with!!! I know everything she said to me the last time we talk is true, but... hay... never mind!
I love her, I love her so. Despite everything I've read, walang nagbago sa pagmamahal ko sa kanya. It actually is telling me to love her even more! I feel this way just because I love her so much that thinking na muntik syang maagaw sakin really hurts me. Di ko kinakaya! I know how much she loves me too, cause I actually am always feeling it! :_(
No comments:
Post a Comment