Barely breathing!!!

Those barely-breathing days were over. Hoping everything is settled fine. Those nerve-shaking weeks were over, but expecting for more. I have been VERY busy but it's getting at ease now. I feel like i missed so much in my life but guess what, i also learned and experienced so much with those days. I missed a 9-hour sleep, a 3-times-a-day meal, my classic songs, blog, and what i miss the most is my Love. Specially my late night conversation with her. I feel like i also missed the things that had happen to her. Though what i only lost is the time to talk to her, not the time to think of her. I mean, thinking about her almost every hour of a day is already part of my daily routine, already part of my life.

Sabi sa akin ni Chiechie ay pumayat daw siya. I worry a lot, because maybe of the work, of the schedule, or maybe she's not eating in a proper time. Something also came into my knowledge that made me mad (not at her). Shallow water really makes noise a lot and that's the only thing shallow water could offer. Hay... There's a time/reason for everything. Pero shallow water talaga really makes noise a lot!!! GrrRr... Just don't they ever hurt my girl (physically nor emotionally!)

Dear God,

My life now is a pile of crap. I've been thinking lately about how do I at least lessen the load I am carrying. I feel like nobody's there, feel like i am all alone. I always smile maybe, always laugh, but it doesn't change the fact that I am not happy. There are so many questions bothering me, how, why, when, what. I do not know what to do except to just keep on moving. God, I am not complaining for all of these, it's just that saying these things to you, i found courage. I am not complaining if you let me do mistakes, for every time i talk to you, I am always asking you to let me learn my lesson from my every mistake. Maybe i have so many things/lessons that i must learn that's why i always commit mistake. God, if i could just be at your side right now, just right now, i want to pour my weakness beside you.

God, up until now where i almost consumed 1/4 of my life, i still do not know the purpose of my existence. If I have a purpose here, grant me wisdom and all that i need to serve my purpose according to your will. but, God, if I do not have any purpose to serve here, please take me already but please don't make it painful.

I don't wanna be the reason of loneliness of others, don't wanna be a problem for others, i don't want to bother others.

why?

Why is it that when they are in need, i am always there catching them without saying any word. Why is it that when they failed to do there part i am always there, doing it. Why is it if they need my help, even though i am doing my own things, i pause for a while and help them without even thinking that they already eating the time i must spend for myself. And can somebody tell me that why is it when i am the one who's in need, failed to do my part, and in need with there help, they all ran away from me, leaving me hanging.

I thought, because i am showing them good deeds, good deeds too will be given to me in return. i was wrong. I know life is unfair, but do they even bother to think, just for a second, at least what i've done for them? It's so disappointing.

I know you understand!!!

My life this past few days is somewhat messed up with hectic schedules and a very long list of things-to-do. Having a 3-hour sleep for almost two weeks isn't a good thing. But more than anything, what i hate the most is that, i feel like I lost time for her though there isn't any single second passing without me, thinking of her. I know she'll understand how busy I am, but still, i can't put myself at ease thinking of her while doing those things i must do.

To the girl I always think about, no matter how busy my day is, i will never ever let it pass without thinking of you so much and always remember that my love for you will never ever be lessen, instead will grow even more while longing for the day that we'll be together. Behind every single achievement I have/will have, be it a big or small one, you are always my reason behind!

I love YOU so much mahal ko!!! ^.......^