"I trust and love you the most, yesterday, today, and tomorrow"

I realized just now that I really do not have a concrete reason para bawasan ang trust (not the trust your thinking ;D) ko sa kanya. And in any angle, there is maybe totally no reason for me to act this way. Besides she already said that she had never loved them. So now, I will act as if I did not read anything.

"To you my love, sorry for doubting your faithfulness. Now I understand it all. I, as always, proved your faithfulness on our relationship. There are NO lies that has been told, and the three years of our relationship, the whole of it is a pure 'truth'! You are no liar but an honest, loving, thoughtful, dedicated, sweet, understanding, almost-perfect love of my life. You really never want to hurt anyone, just like how i've known you. If I was hurt, it was not your fault but merely mine. Now, if someone would ask me if I have a girlfriend, just like how it used to be, i would answer them with a proud 'YES' with a smile on my face and would even tell them how unique and special YOU really are! MY one and only Jonah, a true gift from above! I am so lucky to have you in my life! I love you so much with all my heart, trust you with all my life!"

HmmmmmmmmMmmmM...

I should have started my 2,000-word evaluation assignment for tomorrows class but what I am just doing is reading her blog posts which leads me to this, writing on my own blog about her. It's already 1:00 am and my eyes are almost closing. I also tried a while ago to visit her wordpress account yet it says her account does't exist. I want her to know about something I always feel so let me:

Since the day I love you, I see you like a porcelain, so fragile so I always treat you like one, yet when we talk about your ability to face life, I see you like a warrior whose weapon is unmatched. I think I already told you this but again I want YOU to know that I admire your way in facing your life's battle. Yet now, what I want you to understand is that, you do not have to face life only with your own, I am already here since the day you owned my heart. Your problems are my problems, too. Your aims are also my aims. Maybe it's because YOUR life is my life and MY life is YOUR life. YOUR heart is MY heart and MY heart is YOUR heart. I will never leave or let you face life just with your own. Just hang on and be still for I am here, striving for our future, determined to get our dreams and someday, together, we'll embrace the victory!

You don't deserve to be lonely, likewise, you don't deserve to shed tears in the things that makes you feel bad. I also want to take this opportunity to say sorry for all the hurts I've caused you. I really don't like to see you down, crying, worrying, although sometimes I make you feel that way and those were the times that I hate myself and I hope you understand. I am already taking my move to build our own secluded world wherein you'll be more than a princess and anyone that'll make you sad will be punished, a world where you can get all that you want. Let us just hope and pray to God to help us make that world come true when the right time comes. Always smile my SweetAngel, my princess, my life, my love! ^...................................^

"My Promise to YOU!"

Now until forever, my words will always be true! What I had promised you yesterday, word for word, is still my promise to you today, and will still be my promise to you tomorrow! I love YOU so much! Looking forward to spend eternity with YOU Pag-ibig KO!!!

What could be the reason?

I am going through a hard time, very hard time right now! Last day she let me read some things, and I really regret the time that I read it. Now, here I am, so down, so much hurt I am feeling inside. I know it happened a very long time pero kahit ganon, napaka bigat pa din para sakin knowing it! Para akong binagsakan ng kung anong napakabigat, parang dinudurog ang puso ko. Nagmahal ako ng tapat at sobra, is this my reward? Nong mga oras na yun, inaabot ak ng magdamag sa netshop just to send her a message saying how much I love her, saying how much I miss her, writing on my blog about her, about how i feel about her. Nong mga oras na yun, whenever someone ask me if I have a girlfriend, I always respond with a proud "YES" na ang tono ay parang sinasabing "Yes, meron akong girlfriend that loves me so much, na nagpromise sakin na no one could replace ME in her heart". I am not blaming her, I blame myself for not being good enough to her! Ang sakit talaga. I really need to understand why it happened! Kapag malaman ko, maybe it'll lessen the load I am carrying (depending on the answer). Hanggang kelan nga kaya ganito? Kahit ako hindi ko din alam, all know is that baka tumagal pa. Lalo na kapag sa tuwing iniisip ko sya, all the words I read flashing vividly in front of me, na whenever i close my eyes every night, bigla na lang ako mapapaluha. I need an assurance, too!

Yet, kahit gano kasakit, kahit gano kabigat, hindi ko pa rin makuhang magalit sa kanya. Mahal na mahal na mahal ko sya eh, and I will never hurt her. OK naman kami ngayon, pero simula nong mabasa ko yun, nagkaroon ako ng nakakatakot na tanong,"Mahal nya ako ngayon, mahal nya pa rin kaya ako bukas?". Kelangan ko din mabuo ulit ang pagtitiwala! I know it'll take time, but I'm sure that the time will come! I just really need to ensure everything 'coz we're not getting younger, instead getting older. I already set my mind, heart, life that she'll be the one that I want to spend eternity with!!! I know everything she said to me the last time we talk is true, but... hay... never mind!

I love her, I love her so. Despite everything I've read, walang nagbago sa pagmamahal ko sa kanya. It actually is telling me to love her even more! I feel this way just because I love her so much that thinking na muntik syang maagaw sakin really hurts me. Di ko kinakaya! I know how much she loves me too, cause I actually am always feeling it! :_(

It's getting better... : )

My SweetAngel,

It feels like I slapped my own face reading my comment on the latest post on your blog! Masunurin ka talga noh? Hmp, can I change it? Hehe... If you don't know what I am talking about, just look for my comment on your blog "Mi Viaje". Mahal ko, together, we'll reach our dreams, together, we'll build our future! Promise me YOU will never leave me 'coz that is also my promise to YOU! Wanna hug you tight. Now, every night, before I am closing my eyes, I always think of the time we've spent together, cause those were that sweetest time of my entire life! I miss your voice, I miss your smile, your hugs, your kisses--one thing I will never miss, I will never miss YOU loving me cause I always feel it, and I know YOU always do. I hope, kahit papano, I am making YOU feel the same way, too! ^.....................................^ Looking forward to the next "Saka Na" of our life! Hay...

Now, until forever...

You said hindi mo pinapansin mga pang-aasar ko sayo. Well, I tell you what. Hindi po pang-aasar yung mga yun. Maaaring yung iba, Oo. But not all. Just that I want you to know all that I feel. Hindi ko intensyon na saktan ka o pasamain loob mo. What I want ay malaman mo nararamdaman ko, at the same time, malaman mong may mali ka kahit papano. And i expect you to do the same for me. Even though silence is the start of wisdom, it will leave me naman clueless of what you feel, making me feel like stupid. I want to make our relationship perfect as much as possible. Remember, by the time I court you, it does not mean that I only want you to be my girlfriend, but it also mean that I am asking you to be my partner through the rest of my life. At habang maaga, maybe it's a good idea that we must learn to work on everything considering each other. I already told you naman diba that "YOU ARE THE ONE THAT I WANT TO BE WITH THROUGH THE REST OF MY LIFE", I already told you diba?

Despite everything, again, I want you to know that you are my one and only SweetAngel, now, until forever!!! Always remember that I always care for you, always loving you more than I did yesterday. You are the person that I care the most. Seloso ako pag dating sayo. I would rather share my toothbrush that have others put even a slight touch on you! I'm selfish, so selfish when it comes to YOU, my SweetAngel! I'm yours, you own me, and I believe you also told me that your mine, I own you (need you confirmation here, please comment! ^-^), that's how it will always be!!!

I Love YOU so much, more than I could ever say!!!

Waking up...

I already am having two sleepless nights and counting. Today, waking up was never that easy, tears fell, hurt felt. I woke up so early but still close my eyes fooling myself that if i would not open my eyes, sadness will not be felt. Adds up to the sadness, the rain pours, the morning cold. What could really be the outcome of this? I don't wanna feel this anymore... For once, i wanna wipe all negatives around me, yet, how? Is this really life? Last days, just last days, we're both happy, so happy but now all is in contrast! : (

Why is it really hard for me? What really is wrong with it? No matter how I use my knowledge in life with all my might, I couldn't cope up, I couldn't find the answer why. My life now, once again is a pile of crap...

What could be the title of what I feel?

Ngayon, gusto ko magsulat ng magsulat ng magsulat, matulog, gumawa ng kung ano, umiyak, tumalon, ibaon ang sarili, pumunta sa kung saan tahimik, maghibernate!!! Sa makatuwid, di ko alam gagawin ko! But on the other side, what really causes this feeling? I was so... kinda lost, kinda hurt. You know the feeling na yung ang sikip sikip ng dibdib mo and you wanna take it out and say, calm down. Yet, it is impossible. I'm hurt so much. No matter how I convince myself that it's fine, it really isn't. I do not know who to turn to cause the person that I LOVE THE MOST, the person THAT I TRUST THE MOST is the same person giving me this feeling. Hindi ko alam kung kanino ako magkukwento, kanino ko isasandal yung ulo ko at huminga ng malalim at sabihin mga nararamdaman ko. I need someone that'll tell, convince, and fool me that it's ok. I can't prevent myself saying all I am feeling. Hay... Is there someone, anyone there that could help me lessen what I am feeling. When you trust someone with all your heart and understanding, you'll be very disappointed to know that the someone you are trusting don't trust you. One more thing, am I not really understanding para hindi KA magpaalam sakin or even consider me at least when making decision? I demand for some consideration, too! Bakit ganito kasakit yun para sakin? Gusto mo malaman? Because I love YOU and I think I am the second one that I love YOU the most, next to GOD! Sana hindi na ito maulit, pakiusap lang. Sana wala na ding taguan, I don't hide anything sayo, I demand the same! Kung pwede lang! Lumuluhod ako at nagmamakaawa! Look, my tears just dripping down my chick, falling on the keyboard of my laptop. Glad my keyboard's spill-proof!

In times like this, all I really want is to kill myself. And speaking of killing myself. Before writing this, I went in front of the gym where she's at, driving the motorcycle so mad with the headlight off. How I really wish kanina na sana sumalpok ako sa kung saan o mag-crash. Mahina ako pagdating sa mga ganito. Why I Keep on experiencing this? I love life, I really love life, but in times like this, I want to end my life!!! : (

Can someone give me tissue? I'm so hurt!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ang dami na namang nangyari but I don't want to think and talk about it. All i know now is, I am really excited. Hmp, do i have to say why? I guess, it's not necessary! Time, passing so slow, but what I want is to forward my life, just now! Excitement! Excitement! Excitement! It is always with excitement that I wake up in the morning wondering what my intuition will toss up to me, like gifts from the sea.