Monday, February 22, 2010

A rare while...

---It was around 4 pm, when my brother asked somebody to call me. I went to him. Just
before i stepped up the stair, he said "Tingnan mo, ganda noh?" while holding a nice jungle knife. I
just said "Astig" as he let me hold it and said "sayo na yan, bigay ko sayo,(as collection)"
Well, i can't resist because when i checked it, its imported, a rare jungle knife. So I
took it. After taking it, he said "Sunod baril naman ibibigay ko sayo, pero wag muna ngayon" I
just smiled at him again. He also said "ano, bukas gusto mo sumama sa amin sa isla? Mag firing
tayo, Papahawakin kita ng M14 tska cl.45." I quickly replied "Sige ba". We talked for about 20
minutes, just until my father arrived.

My brother and I rarely talk at home or anywhere. Sometimes, there are even instances that we are acting as if we do not know each other. I began trying to cope with his attitude when he gave me a gift last Christmas and taught me to drive last vacation. I can still remember how
aloof i am to him during my childhood days, i can still remember how fast i am running away from him and dodging the things he was throwing.

Every time he was in the influence of alcohol, he keep on saying "Basta, sumbong ka lang sa akin
kapag may makaaway ka. Wag ka lang nilang makanti-kanti dahil aadobohin ko sila ng buhay." After he leaves, here comes my mother saying "Wag ka magsusumbong kay kuya mo khit may maka-away ka."... Haha. very contrasting!!!

Ouch...

I CLEARLY SEE THE BOUNDARY BETWEEN FRIENDSHIP AND LOVE. So, do not worry, i will stay behind the line of friendship and will force my self to be happy with it and leave the love behind oblivion... I wanna fight, What can i do, i already lost?

DREAM IS...

Dream is. There iS no happiness in reality, sadness always finds its way.
We can laugh, but not as long as we want, we struggle, everyday we always think
how to be happy in the midst of uncertainties. There are times that i see my
whole existence negatively, as if i do not have any purpose driving me,
just going with the flow. dreams do come true, that's what they say, and that's
what they pray.for in dreamland, strongly desiring for more than required is
free. In dreamland, you can build towers
as tall and still as you want, you can erase the word negative and positively
you can.Sometimes i can say that there is no happiness in reality.
everyone was disappointed with me. my heart beats fast, wanna explode just because i
don't wanna hurt anyone. I always wanted to be someone that others would want
and aspire to be, but i think they don't let me. Some says all of it is a challenge
but for me it appeals to be a burden.

Sometimes i wanted to escape, i try to laugh insanely, smile on things that aren't
funny actually, but they all mistaken it to be something they
do not want. not once did they make me feel worth to be proud of.